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MONSTERS ON YOUR CHIN

Chin Monster


Chin monster have been around for a while now and like a true monster they have been lurking under the water waiting for the right time to surface. With their owner (Simon) recently reigniting the companies spark with a new look, I thought it was time to see if the chin monster could cope with the heat of the firebeard and if this is the right time to surface.



Chin monster boast about producing their best oils, balms and butters to date all with friendly, natural, vegan ingredients and with totally recyclable bottles and containers making it a very green company. "Once you try us, you won't want to try any other brands. Our scents are unique to us and trust me they are addictive." In all honesty that is a fucking massive statement to have on your website but what do you expect if you're a monster you are going to have a monstrous set of balls dangling between those legs.


14 unique scents from frosted plumb to sage, sea salt and maple walnut to whiskey and to the one we are going to cover today, fresh donut scent. Chin monster are indeed CPSR certified and part of the UK Beard Portal even monsters have rules to abide by even in the deep pits of hell. But like all monsters they have a rebellious side and feel I need to point out that this one has indeed been a very naughty monster. Their label is not up to CPSR regulation standards, the standards require ingredients in Latin, batch code, expiration date, company address, instructions and allergens which are all missing from the label. The ingredients are there in English, but the print is very small along with information about how many ingredients are in the bottle and also safety warnings are printed below the ingredients.



Monsters Bite


Could you imagine a donut being the size of a monster like The Kraken, King Kong or Godzilla... it would be monstrous, and I would die a happy man just surviving off a sugar coated donut for the rest of my life. A fresh donut scent had me intrigued when I saw it on the chinmonster website, I did wonder how the scent would be created, but before I dive into that let's talk about appearances.


Chinmonster in my opinion stand out from the crowd like Shrek at a black tie event and the main reason for this is their bottles, they look like aftershave bottles, and it is fucking awesome to have something unique on your shelf that stand out from the typical green or brown 30ml pipette bottles. The transparent glass bottles have a plastic lid that slides on top of the pump spray applicator and clicks in place. The label is a black circle surrounding a white circle and within that white circle is a monster logo which to me looks like a Bison and along its chin is a banner that reads ' CHIN MONSTER '. The colour of that writing depends on the scent, but in this case the writing is a yellow/beige/ pale orange colour.


The oil itself is of a medium yellow colour the best way to describe it is of a dehydrated piss colour, which in this case often indicates to me that the carrier oil blend and formula is of decent quality and in this case it fucking is. The medium viscosity oil definitely works it's magic within the beard hair and the skin, leaving it feeling incredible and a silky smooth firebeard is a happy firebeard haha.


The carrier oils are as follows :

  1. Virgin Argan oil

  2. Pure Jojoba oil

  3. Vitamin E oil

  4. Sweet Almond oil

  5. Apricot Kernel oil ( personal favourite of mine )

  6. Avocado oil

  7. Pumpkin Seed oil

  8. Hempseed oil

  9. Grapeseed oil

Look at me and tell me that isn't a monstrous formula, a Hulk blend of carrier oils, and I tell you what, " Hulk smashes it out of the park ". The blend is perfect, and the carriers are adventurous. The only bad thing I can say is that with the pump spray applicator I had to pump it 10-15 times to get a decent enough amount of oil in my hand to be able to spread enough of it through my beard to keep me satisfied and because of this within 8 days I was down to just over half a bottle. At a guess I would say 3 weeks of oil if used every day at the amount I was is in that bottle which if you think about it business wise is clever as you're coming back for more every 4 weeks on pay day for more haha very clever you sly beast.



Chimeras Donut Breath


Fresh donut scent, I would sit here for years and never get that scent right but Chinmonster have and with the combination of these 4 fragrance oils it is a really great smell.


  1. Strawberry

  2. Nutmeg

  3. Neroli

  4. Wheat Germ Essence

The scent is fiercely strong at first but quickly fades into a more subtle scent my Mrs was quoted saying "I just want to eat your face off" I mean take this as a good or bad point it is entirely up to you guys the consumers and your kinky fetishes' haha. Personally I want and would love this scent as an aftershave I had lots of fun wearing this scent and Jade ( my Mrs ) was quoted saying "It's strong but not in your face strong". Although I only got 3 good hours out of the scent longevity or 4 when Jade was up close to smell it, this is the low end of average for the UK beard care market and in my opinion this is a chilled day scent something you would wear binging Netflix or playing warzone for the day where you can go top up the scent throughout the day. The scent first smells like sweaty feet for a split second and then the sweetness of the strawberry and nutmeg hit you, the wheat germ essence follows and if there is Neroli in there it is faint. Again I'm a Neroli addict I love the smell passionately, and I couldn't smell it, wish I could though haha.


Cerberus Presence


Right now at chinmonster there is a huge sale going on with 30ml oils being sold for around £3.00 yes that's fucking right you heard £3.00 it is an absolute bargain for any consumer no matter what your opinion is of the product, company or owner who the fuck in their right mind would say no to £3.00 beard oils, and It's not just the oils but balms, shampoos and colognes too.


Okay so let me highlight two of the bad points of this review for you guys

  1. The pump spray applicator, although the design and appearance looks amazing, I just couldn't get over the 10-15 pumps it took for the decent amount of oil to be in my hands, so I could apply it to my beard. My beard is a short styled beard, so those with longer beards could potentially use a lot more oil, meaning more pumps.

  2. Scent longevity, 3-4 hours to me is not long enough for what is a fucking great scent with so much potential to sell really well, but like I say it is a chill day scent, maybe even something to wear around the Mrs, so she eats your face off.

  3. lack of information on the labelling.


Let me highlight the positives for you consuming bastards haha

  1. The bottle design is unique to the UK market.

  2. The scent is unique to the UK market.

  3. The carrier oil blend is fucking superb.



Conclusion


Chinmonster are pushing UK beard product boundaries with an adventurous carrier oil base and crazy scents and I think that although this one did not last as long as I would have wanted, I think it would be unfair to assume the rest of them would be the same without trying them first, I wouldn't say this is a bad review. They have a cracking formula and scents that start off powerful, and the oil makes your beard feel fantastic. Luckily, I have two other scents to fall back on and give them a try in time, and they have bottle designs that are unique to the market that make them stand out from others. Their business plan and brand theme is working, I would say they're massively underrated and everyone should give them a try, not because I have an ambassador code with them, all my affiliate codes with brands are for non-profit, my goal is to unite UK brands in doing more collaborations and making cross over oils to sell in aid of charities that are close to the bearded communities hearts. I think everyone should try chin monster because they're very different from everyone else. Is there anything new I would like to see from them ? hmmmmm I honestly can not think of anything maybe push the boundary of beard grooming items such as combs. Before this crazy sale, chinmonster sold beard oils of 30ml size for £12.99 for a 9 strong carrier oil blend that's a bargain, especially when your beard feels as soft and silky as the seaweed beard of Jormungandr from the God of War video game.


Stay Safe, Stay Fire, Stay Bearded


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